One of the problems with being fat skinny is that I look decent in clothes. Tonight I took my son to the hardware store to look for some plumbing pipe. I wore jeans (size 28), high heeled black boots (size 10.5, dear god) and a merino wraparound sweater. I noticed two tradesmen dressed in work gear at the cash register as we entered the store: both glanced at me sideways as we walked by, and the first thought that popped into my head (after flaming shameful giddiness, god, I don’t get out enough) was “Oooh, thank god they can’t see what’s underneath these jeans.”

I’ve never dieted, I’ve never even contemplated it. I’ve been a runner my whole life and I thought that would just negate the cheese and butter and artichoke dip I inhaled over the last decade — I even thought that running would make up for my overindulgence in Strongbow in my youth.

But no. I had toned legs, for sure – but when I stripped down in the flourescent light of the bathroom, even before I had my baby, there were cottage cheese dimples in my bum, a little spill of flab over my sides, chicken-fatties hanging limply off my arms.

The only time I worked out and ate right for more than a 6 month spurt was the year before I had my son: I used to force myself to jog naked in the bathroom for 20 seconds or so, looking over my shoulder at my bouncing, cringeworthy flabbies. And then I would go for a run and eat raw tuna and carrots for lunch.

I’m too old to do that now. My body has given birth, it is 33, I want to be softer to it. I want motivation in different ways, and plus, if I start the Jog of Shame routine in the bathroom again, I now have a sidekick who will bust in and demand to know what the hell I am doing. And also be scarred for life.

I was contemplating putting a picture of myself in a bikini with all my flaps and blips hanging out everywhere – but then, I just couldn’t do it. What if my old boss were to stumble upon that? Or the guys in the hardware store.

Here are some things that do help me get motivated:

-Before and after shots, like Linda’s incredible transformation pictures, oh my god.

-Athletic company ads that underscore the human spirit, determination, and dedication to excellence. This one rocks my world, even though I kind of hate Lance Armstrong now that he’s dated Olsen twins and stuff. And I like it when strong buff women speak loudly, and this makes me want to run up a mountain.

-Perusing Flickr for motivating photos: type in things like fitness, workout, and abs and search by most interesting. You’ll find some very cool things.

-Linkin Park, Eminem, and Black Eyed Peas. They go against everything I believe in music, but they make me want to rocket.

Now, I’m getting off this chair to go skip some rope.

Tags: jump rope, motivation, running naked in the miror

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 11th, 2008 at 11:28 pm and is filed under Blogs. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.