Should I even be thinking about surgery?
By Jess
I am really struggling with the whole fat thing right now. Yes, I’m losing a bit of weight with the new dog and the more exercise and the living at a higher altitude thing. But no, that’s not enough. And I’m starting to feel like nothing is ever going to be enough.
The thing that frustrates me so much is that the fact that I lost 75 pounds and then plateaued–instead of regaining back all the weight–seems like it’s GOOD news. That I’m lucky to have just plateaued at all. This 2007 study, like so many others, found that people who lose weight through dieting are extremely likely to gain it all back. And then some. This is a study I found through Kate Harding, and if you look through her site you will find a million other examples of the same thing (like this and this).
I’m upset because when I was losing all that weight I thought I could just keep going until I hit my goal weight and then I’d just stay there and it would all be fine. Because that’s what smaller people who just need to lose a few pounds seem to do. Not all of them, but many of them. But that wasn’t what happened.
And I don’t need to lose just a few pounds. I need to lose a lot of pounds. I’ve already lost 75 but that isn’t enough, not even close. And I don’t see how to really go about losing more. My weight is more into fluctuation these days than anything else–I lose a few pounds, gain one back, stay at the same weight for two weeks, gain another pound, lose half a pound. And I just don’t know how to fix it. And all the research I’ve been reading recently basically tells me that I can’t fix it. I’m always going to be overweight, no matter how healthy I am.
And I can’t sit here and pretend that this is just about fitness, because then I could just throw away the damn scale, keep eating right and exercising, and feel happy with myself. Maybe that’s what I should do, but I’m too motivated by the scale. I’m too tied to it. When our scale was broken was when I started to plateau. The scale holds me accountable and I need that.
But at the same time, I find that my general happiness–not just with my weight but on a day-to-day basis–is tied to my weight loss progress. If I’m losing weight, I feel happy and confident in general. If I’m not, I don’t. This doesn’t mean I lose confidence in my abilities in other areas, but it does affect my mood and the way I feel about meeting people and how comfortable I feel just walking down the street. And that isn’t healthy.
I’m trying so hard to separate the concept of fat with the concept of unhealthy (see here) in my own head but it doesn’t help because I want to be neither fat nor unhealthy. That’s the thing. It doesn’t matter if I treat them separately. I still want to avoid them both.
And reading these articles about how getting healthy, in terms of eating well and exercising regularly, well… it WON’T make you not be fat? That kills one of my main motivations for doing it. Not that I’m going to stop doing it. But it makes me want to do something else to stop being fat. And I don’t know what that would be.
That study I linked to up above does say that those people who do manage to keep the weight off exercise regularly. And I’m doing that. But the problem is that the more you do it and the less you weigh, the more you have to exercise. The more challenging it has to be. So yeah, I’m walking and hiking a lot, and right now that’s enough, but if I want to really lose the weight, it won’t be enough anymore. It’s only going to get harder and harder. And not everyone who exercises regularly does keep the weight off–only some of them do. And the article I read the other day (for which I can no longer find the link) that said that any given form of exercise will become less effective after six weeks? Well, that’s not helping either.
Everything I read about diets describes me to a tee. Works perfectly for six months, then fades. Exactly me. I lost 50 pounds in six months, so fast. Then… bam. Not so much. After serious struggle for over the course of a year, and with the help of thyroid medication, I managed to lose another 25. And now I’m just in maintenance mode–and lucky to be there. And just waiting to gain all the weight back, even as I try as hard as I can not to.
The only way to keep from gaining it all back is to work out, really hard, pretty much every day. And I can do that. I don’t want to, but I can. But can I do it forever? Because as soon as I stop, I’ll gain the weight back. As it is, I’m doing my very best right now to eat well, keep moving, get exercise, stay fit, and I’m barely managing to maintain my weight. I’m not sticking to Weight Watchers as strictly as I was then, but I am exercising more. And the thing is that I don’t think I CAN stick to Weight Watchers like that, not permanently. It’s just too hard, and too frustrating, to keep up long term.
What I want is to eat reasonably well, get lots of exercise, and have that be enough. For many people, that’s all there is to it. But for me, it isn’t sufficient. Maybe that’s enough to make me healthy, but it’s not enough to make me not be fat anymore. And oh, I so, so, so, so, so do not want to be fat anymore. I’m just fucking sick of it. I don’t want to be uncomfortable. I don’t want to wear plus sizes. I don’t want to worry that I won’t fit in an airplane seat. I don’t want to feel like people are judging me. I don’t want to worry about having an unhealthy pregnancy. I’m just done with it. I’m DONE. And I don’t know why I can’t make myself be done with being fat in real, physical terms, instead of just feeling like I’m done in my head.
I can lose more weight. I definitely can. But the way to do it is not as simple as it is for people who are genetically predisposed to be thin, or at least not fat. I’d have to stick to a super-strict Weight Watchers-style regime, and I would have to work out a LOT, both in terms of intensity and frequency. And I would have to do it indefinitely, for the rest of my life, without a break, because as soon as I stop doing those things I plateau at best and regain the weight–plus some–at worst.
And thinking about that is daunting, and de-motivating. It makes me want to have weight-loss surgery. NOT because that’s the easy solution, because it isn’t. There is no easy solution, none at all. Weight-loss surgery is a painful, expensive process, and for it to be successful you still have to be committed to diet and exercise. But it’s easier to have that commitment because you don’t have that same feeling that there’s a sell-by date on the weight loss, that after that you’re going to balloon back up.
I’ve been following Erica’s story. She had weight-loss surgery eight months ago, and since then she has lost over 100 pounds. And I am so happy for her, and I know she’s worked so hard for this, and I am really impressed with that. But I’m also really, really jealous. I want to lose that weight too. I want to know that it won’t come back. I see the stories of so many people who’ve had the surgery, and nobody regrets it. Nobody wishes they hadn’t done it. Everyone says their quality of life has drastically improved since the surgery.
Erica’s experience has been incredibly challenging. It took a year from the point when she started looking into it before she was able to have the surgery. She had to fast for two weeks beforehand. The surgery itself was miserable and after the fact she was so unhappy and uncomfortable that she wished she hadn’t had the surgery at all. Having the surgery means that there are SO MANY things she can’t eat. It means her whole diet and the things she chooses to eat have to be very specific. I mean, she says she can’t have bread, dairy, eggs, dry ground beef, or chicken. Sugar and grease make her sick. She stays away from bad carbs. Reading that post makes me wonder what the hell she CAN eat. And it also makes me wonder how she manages family meals when everyone is sitting down to eat together and she has such severe limitations on what she can eat. Plus, you have to worry about getting enough nutrients–especially when pregnant.
So then, I look at that, all the downsides to the surgery, and I think to myself that oh, why can’t I just lose weight through diet and exercise and leave it at that? I’ve done it before and I can do it again. But I’m feeling like if I do that, then I will be yo-yoing for the rest of my life. And every time I yo-yo back up, I’m going to feel like shit about myself again. Weight-loss surgery, while difficult and painful and limiting in so many ways, is permanent. And oh, a permanent solution is exactly what I want.
And then I try to say to myself, OK, it doesn’t matter if you’re fat. It’s not about fat, it’s about fit. So just get fit. Eat right and get exercise and call it a day. Don’t worry about the surgery, don’t worry about your size, just stay healthy and it’ll all be fine.
And maybe that’s right? Maybe that is what I should do. But I’m starting to realize that if I don’t do something permanent about my weight, it’s going to be on my mind for the rest of my life. No matter what else I do, no matter how happy I am with every other aspect of my life, every time I gain a pound I’m going to be upset about it. Every time I have to squash into a too-small airplane seat I’m going to be miserable. Every time the idea of weighing myself in front of another person comes up, I’m going to feel incredible shame.
I don’t WANT to feel like that for the rest of my life. But if diet and exercise aren’t enough, then what is? Maybe surgery is the answer. I really just don’t know.
March 26th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
You could consider surgery. But it is costly and risky, etc.
Do you have a nutritionist and a personal trainer? I would try those first.
March 26th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
My problem with this whole idea is this: WLS still requires doing all of the things you just said you didn’t want to do, it still requires extensive changes in diet, it still requires regular exercise and from my perspective if I’m going to have to do those things either way, I’d rather not have risky surgery as well.
I agree with the comment who suggested a nutritionist or trainer before you resort to something drastic, switch it up, get a different perspective maybe that will be the key.
March 26th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
I don’t know either. My step dad had the lap band done six years ago and has regretted it. He lost weight, then gained it back BUT still can’t eat like a “regular” person. My cousin had gastric bypass four years ago and has been very successful and hasn’t regretted it for a second.
What I do know is I understand what you’re saying. It’s frustrating as hell! I’m fat, always been fat, always been fighting fat and probably always will. And I, like you, am just fucking sick of it.
I say keep doing what you’re doing. You’re getting healthy and fit and that’s a good thing. A great thing. If you decide on surgery, just make sure you know what you’re getting into, because like you said, it’s certainly not easy.
Good luck!
March 26th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
Have you read this one? She seems to have coped really well and the longer post surgery, the less restrictive the diet is.
http://onefatbitchypoo.com/
Good luck whatever you decide and only you know what is best for you.
March 26th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
I know what you mean about the scale. If I’m feeling good about myself and step on and find I’ve gained 3 lbs then I feel like sh*t. If I’m feeling “fluffy” and step on to find I’ve lost a pound, then I feel confident. Stupid scale. I should just throw it away, but I can’t.
March 26th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
You should read Loralee’s post on her gastric bypass. It’s very thought provoking. http://loraleeslooneytunes.com/2009/03/25/gastric-bypass-surgery-my-story/
March 26th, 2009 at 6:59 pm
Just wanted to say I wish you the best of luck.
I’ve been a longtime SP reader- one of the other writers there is a friend of mine IRL- and I think the website has a lot of important things to say. But I think sometimes it can be important to look past the hype on both sides, the i-did-it-you-can-too stuff and the its-not-possible-fat-people-stay-fat-the-end. No one’s studied YOU. There’s no diet that can guarantee you a lifetime of success, and there’s no study that can prove you have no chance to do anything but regain, you know? Personally, I try to keep my goals realistic- a size 4 I will never be- but still HOPEFUL, too. I don’t need to doubt myself, there will always be someone out there doing that for me. Good luck.
March 26th, 2009 at 9:45 pm
I agree with Laura. Plus, haven’t there been Oprah special on people who had the surgery and still managed to gain the weight back by slowly, methodically stretching their itty bitty stomachs?
It’s going to be a lifetime of work regardless what you decide. But only one of them requires a ton of money and painful surgery.
Just really, really think about it.
March 27th, 2009 at 3:23 am
I’m glad someone finally talked about this on bodies. My husband and I were both in the process of getting it done. The very day we had to go in for our psych consults was the day I found out I was pregnant. He is continuing the process, but mine is obviously on hold.
I understand 100% what you say about permanance. I understand 100% feeling tired of being fat and airplanes and theme parks and people looking at you and knowing that even if you get the weight off, how incredibly difficult is it going to be to keep it off and do I want to struggle with this for the REST OF MY LIFE.
So I get it, I really really do.
The one thing my doctor talked about at our information session is, are the risks of surgery more risky than living a life of obesity? Bariatric surgery is now less risky than having your gallbladder removed. You have more chance of dying from having your gallbladder removed than of having bariatric surgery. What made it okay for me to make the decision was thinking about being 24, being obese since I was 10 years old, and getting diabetes or having a heart attack or any other issue brought on by obesity. The actual surgery, the pain from the surgery, the insanely strict diet….those are all temporary. The weightloss? That’s what is permanant (although not totally…my friends daughter gained back 30 lbs after 3 years after getting involved in a relationship and getting lax about her eating habits). I think for me it’s the knowledge that my stomach is only the size of an egg, and if I stretch that back out I am in deep crap. That is enough for me, honestly.
Anyways, I wrote a book. But I wanted you to know that I have been through the same thought process you are going through now and I made my decisions. Your decision may be different and that is fine, perfectly fine even. Just don’t discount it because everyone has an opinion and NOT everyone understands the procedure.
March 27th, 2009 at 5:38 am
Read Amanda’s story, she goes into great detail and I found it very interesting and helpful:
http://mandajuice.typepad.com/mandajuice/2008/01/gastric-bypas-1.html
March 27th, 2009 at 6:10 am
Oh Jess. This is such a tough issue… this body stuff always is. I can hear your frustration.
You’ve done such great work already – I second the others in recommending personal trainers or nutrionists. At least, that would give you an educated source to discuss your options with (not that you’re not educated about this, just that it would be a second opinion for you). Also, is there some sort of a support group for those who’ve gone through the surgery? Getting to know and talking to some who’ve already done it may give you some greater perspective.
Ultimately, you have got to do what will make you happy. I think you’re gorgeous already – but I know by experience that what I think matters little unless you feel that way yourself.
March 27th, 2009 at 6:48 am
Although I can’t relate to your exact scenario, I understand – I usually hover around a size 18 and have size HH breasts. I’ve had a large chest my entire life, and basically no matter how much weight I lose they will always be there, making me look ridiculous. Recently I’ve been considering reduction surgery but I’m not quite ready.
With that said, 3 years ago I got a personal trainer, and it was an excellent experience. We were really well matched and he was also more of a life coach as well. Toning my body didn’t help me loose weight on the scale (maybe 10lbs or so), but I looked SO much better and felt better. I would definitely recommend personal training because it helps you gain confidence about exercising and working out and it’s empowering as you tone and build strength. It was also motivating because I felt that I could see/feel results right away.
Also another time in my life when I lost some weight was after reading Eat to Live, a book that a girl I met who’d lost over 100lbs highly recommended.
PS. Congrats on your new life in Denver (read your other blog) – I am a Seattle transplant living in DC with my bf and after all of our moving around, I hope when we settle down it’ll be as fun for us as it’s been for you.
March 27th, 2009 at 7:33 am
I took a hospital based class last year for PCOS and nutrition. After the first class I was mixed in with the Optifast class. One of the things that stuck with me was that ANYTHING can work so long as you do it. The nutritionist who ran the course and the Optifast program really emphasized that losing is different than maintaining. With losing you need to be committed and go full speed ahead to get the weight off and then go into maintenance mode where lifestyle choices can make a difference, and even then nutrition is 90% of the issue. It seemed to me like people who used dramatic weight loss methods were doing so because they needed they needed to lose the weight quickly for medical reasons, but in the classes they still had to go through the same struggles of learning how to eat well and maintain.
The entire course was fascinating. Mind you, nothing much has changed for me.
It can’t hurt to have a consultation with a doctor, but in doing so, you might want to ask what the implications would be of you getting pregnant in the near future – you may need to delay doing so for a while. But you might also want to look for a weight management clinic at a university hospital. Denver MUST have one. The benefit to this is that they won’t necessarily specialize in a single method (like a bariatric surgery center might) but will be able to customize a program for you.
March 27th, 2009 at 8:15 am
This is such a deeply personal decision.
u
The thing is…the surgery will not fix all those things that you blame on the weight now….but you already know that.
If you love love love love love food….and can’t imagine giving up all those things as a worst case scenario, it would definitely impact my quality of life…you have a husband who adores you the way you are…so that’s good already….I can understand the struggle, but you are so young. Maybe there are other ways or programs to try first before you go to surgery….I read that blog entry too and was shocked about all the things she can’t eat anymore. Holy hell. An entire life without bread….Can’t do.
Keep researching, keep talking about it, and maybe there is a good compromise to be found.
March 27th, 2009 at 8:37 am
I have had three friends in my life who have had a gastric bypass and every one of them has reacted differently. One didn’t lose nearly as much weight as she thought she would. Two of them paid massive amounts of money for reconstructive plastic surgery because they couldn’t deal with the loose skin issues. (Breast lifts, tummy tucks, thigh lifts, arms, everything. I think this is one of the things not talked about enough. The surgery after the surgery.) One of them had to have a feeding tube inserted because she couldn’t STOP losing weight. But there are tons of other people who have adapted fine, not had dumping syndrome as badly as they thought they would, etc.
I agree that this is a deeply personal issue. But I also agree with what I have been told by my friends: This is just a tool. There is no easy out. You can still gain the weight back and it means a huge lifestyle adjustment. Eating massive amounts of protein so you don’t lose your hair, all the foods you just can’t stomach anymore. One of my friends found a message board for those who had had WLS that was really helpful and supportive.
I am sending hopeful thoughts in your direction. Just get all the facts, talk to a lot of people, weight the risks and the rewards, and most certainly ask about pregnancy (and breastfeeding, if you were going to consider that) and how consuming so little calories would affect a healthy pregnancy. I don’t know how that works. But you are a smart, beautiful woman. I know you will make the best decision for you.
March 27th, 2009 at 8:43 am
Jess, Your post here and at your blog totally spoke to me. I know how you feel. I too have been following Erika’s story…I thought that I could get to my goal weight by the time she was under 200 lbs and of course she is there and I am not at my goal. I’ve always struggled with my weight and know exactly how you feel about hiding your weight from your husband or the DOL, not wanting to step on a scale…I am tired of my muffin top and not being able to buy cute, trendy clothes at Forever 21 because they don’t carry my size. I could go on and on, but I won’t. I just want you to know your not alone.
March 27th, 2009 at 8:59 am
Jess, you are A Planner, and someone who likes to be able to visualize your future and the path that will take you there. And that is an amazing characteristic, and one of the reasons why you have made such a wonderful life for yourself.
But girl, it is FUCKING YOU when it comes to this weight thing. Because, right now, you are visualizing yourself FAT FOREVAH, regardless of path taken, and THAT is what is making you so panicked.
You are going to lose weight, if you want to. At this point, any path you take is going to be drastic, ya know? To me, surgery is no more “drastic” than the alternatives, in your case. Even the Do Nothing option is drastic, because you would have to totally reboot how you feel about yourself, ya know?
March 27th, 2009 at 10:06 am
This is wonderful. I totally hear you. Also, I completely believe through the evidence of my eyes that for some people, being healthy means they’ll also be thin, and that for other people, being healthy means they’ll also be fat, and that the only way that second group can be thin is by actually being UNhealthy. And I don’t know what to make of that, but I do know it’s unfair, and that the people who are in the first group need to shut up. Seriously.
March 27th, 2009 at 10:07 am
Oh, er. I mean the people in the first group need to shut up as far as assuming that everyone is in the same group as them, and that fat people are actually secretly eating doughnuts all the time and THAT’S why they’re fat. Not that they shouldn’t express themselves at all. You know.
March 27th, 2009 at 10:25 am
My MIL’s best friend had the gastric bypass and has been very happy with it. Her doctor was very thorough, explaining the risks and asking her WHY she wanted to do it, what she hoped to gain from it, etc.
It was a long process to get to the surgery and she was well-informed throughout the process. Up to that point, she had tried everything she could to lose the weight, but her diet wasn’t helping and a recent knee surgery limited her exercise options (she had lost a lot of weight previously, but like you, had plateaued). I think it’s been about a year since her surgery and she can now eat regular food (in small quantities, of course). I don’t think she has any restrictions anymore like she did immediately post-surgery, but don’t quote me on that.
Only you know what feels right. Start researching your options and go from there.
March 27th, 2009 at 10:49 am
You HAVE to start looking at exercise as a PERMANENT part of your life. HAVE TO! I’m fairly thin and I still kick my ass to the gym every damn day. Do I always want to go? No. But I have to deal with the fact that if I don’t do it, I won’t look the way I want to look. And it’s so much better to keep your weight that way.
That said, I think you should at least look into the surgery. You don’t want to always wonder what if?
March 27th, 2009 at 11:05 am
Hi –
I had Gastric Banding surgery done last summer and I haven’t regretted it for a second. I would recommend that you check out http://www.obesityhelp.com for lots of information and message boards for every Weight Loss Surgery under the sun. Also, if gastric bypass appeals to you, PLEASE check out http://meltingmama.typepad.com/wls/ as she chronicles her journey in a very honest way. Go back and read her archives to get the full picture.
The LapBand message board at OH is very open and honest and helpful and you can get a ton of good information. The people there will answer any question you have, and there are many long-timers who have had the band for years.
I am in Colorado also, and can recommend my surgeon without reservation (Dr. Michael Snyder, Denver Bariatrics) – he has the most WLS experience in the state. He often gives free seminars that are full of honest information (not just a hard sell).
I am happy to email with you privately and tell you anything you want to know.
I am very happy to see someone here be honest about the surgery option. It is by no means the easy way out, but is a tool that helps me in ways that are too many to describe here. Please keep us posted on your decision and the decision making process.
March 27th, 2009 at 11:06 am
We’ve been talking about this quite a bit lately since a friend from work had surgery. She didn’t NEED surgery but she wanted it and had connections, so she got it. She’s been in the hospital at least a half-dozen times since because of complications and as you mentioned, her diet is ridiculously restricted too (like two tablespoons of applesauce or other mashed up fruit for lunch and that’s it). Then there’s the fact that she’s now lost too much weight and really, she just looks skinny and sickly and well, unhealthy.
That doesn’t mean it’s like that for everyone though.
Some insurance companies will pay for a good part of the procedure if a doctor will say it’s ‘medically necessary’ so you could check into that. From everything I’ve heard, the whole lap-band thing sounds safer than having the stapling or whatever it is they actually do in there.
The thing I’m most curious about is: if a stomach can expand over time because of consistent overeating or whatever, who’s to say it couldn’t expand over time even after surgery?
I hope if you decide to look into it that you’ll hunt around until you find a really competent doctor with lots of surgical experience. In the meantime, keep up the good work with your exercise and eating healthy – that only seems to get harder during a pregnancy.
March 27th, 2009 at 11:49 am
I agree with Slynnro; exercise for the rest of your life is what everyone, including thin people, should be doing. It’s not fun to think about your food and weigh whether to eat something based on its nutritional value, but it is good for you.
If you want to do the surgery, though, and you find a good doctor who makes you feel comfortable, then I would do it. However, remember that you’ll then have to do more surgeries for the extra skin. And frankly, you might not ever be the size you so dearly want to be. (Sorry if that sounds mean, but it’s something I have to tell myself every day, too.)
By the way, I so admire your honesty.
March 27th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
I didn’t want to be the first one to write it – but yeah, paying attention to what you eat, eating appropriate amounts of food, and exercising daily is pretty much what most people have to do to stay at a size where they’re happy with how they look. Aside from the fact that it’s a lot healthier to eat good for you stuff and not eat junk, and good for your body to keep it moving regularly, most people I know really have to be mindful about what they eat and how much they exercise. As for me, I’m fighting genetics every step of the way, and fighting the eating disorder I had in high school lurking around every corner. I will never, ever in my life be able to just eat what I want and not exercise. Luckily, I like to exercise and I have a health issue that helps me to stay on the healthy eating track (my blood sugar is a lot easier to regulate when I stay away from white processed stuff and eat lean proteins and veggies).
Jess, I know it’s hard to just want things to be easier, to not want to deal with this one major issue that seems to be clouding a lot of things for you. And I think you do need to give living in Denver a chance for a while – settle into your activities, try new things, go snowshoeing this weekend on all that fresh powder! (you can rent snowshoes at REI) Take advantage of your new situation for a while and see how you feel and how your body does before taking yet another big leap (Come on. You’ve gotten married, moved across the country, and gotten a dog all in less than six months! Give yourself some time here!)
March 27th, 2009 at 4:50 pm
Oh, I feel you, I totally feel you. Statistically speaking, we’re more likely to recover from pancreatic cancer than achieve permanent weight loss.
Please don’t give up.
March 27th, 2009 at 6:04 pm
There are a lot of vague statements in your entry that suggest you need to do some more digging. You say “all the research I’ve been reading recently basically tells me that I can’t fix it” and “I’m always going to be overweight, no matter how healthy I am.” What specifically have you read?
A recent study that came out showed people with hypothyroidism have more difficulty losing. Have you had your thyroid checked?
Have you consulted a personal trainer who can work you harder than you are working yourself?
Have you explored all the options for how you could be eating?
WLS is not necessarily a solution. Some people gain all the weight back because they continue eating the way they ate before. Others don’t but their eating habits are as poor after as they were before. A blogger I read who had WLS has one of the worst diets and lifestyles I’ve read. No fresh vegetables, few fresh fruits, loads of saturated fat, meat and refined carbs. Because she has no stomach she can’t eat much anymore but she’s still eating the same crap and smoking on top of it.
Because surgery is so dramatic and irreversable, I’d seriously consider all the other options first from hiring a really good trainer to seeing a nutritionist who will lay out a diet plan. It’s better than best-guessing what will work.
PLUS, you HAVE LOST a lot of weight which is proof you are capable. All you need to do is find out, medically, what’s going on that’s stalling you and be brutally honest, not vague about the choices you are making.
March 27th, 2009 at 8:37 pm
Just here to support you, Jess. I know you’re going to figure this thing out. I agree with the suggestions to 1) give your new life/location a chance, and 2) think about getting a personal trainer.
You are brave for putting it all out there. ((hugs))
March 30th, 2009 at 5:10 am
My experiences with the gastric bypass surgery:
1. I had many years of yo-yoing and everytime the weight would come back with some friends. So I’d lose 20, gain 30 etc. This wasn’t just with diets, it was with exercising, and with every type of diet you can think of.
2. I didn’t want to waste many more years doing the same thing, especially since my husband and I wanted to try to have kids in 2-3 years.
3. It’s easier to get back on the exercise wagon if you are not close to 300 lbs (which I was). I am far from being the perfect weight but I make it to the gym 2-3 times a week and even run outside because I am less embarrassed of having my fat flop around.
4. I have yet to find something I cannot eat. Yes, the experience is different for everybody but for me, I just have to do portion control. I can only eat 1 square of a chocolate instead of the whole bar. I have to eat half of my bagel sandwich instead of the whole thing and I have to take my time with it. I can eat fruits, vegetables, meat, even bread in small quantities. Because the stomach is so small and I need to get the proper nutrients in, I do have to make sure I get my protein in first. But, there is NOTHING my doctor’s told me to completely lay off of. He talks about moderation not elimination. I can even drink a beer every now and then. I just have to count those calories with the rest of the food.
5. Everybody who told me to try it naturally had NEVER been more than twice the weight they should have been. Everybody who’d had the surgery and I have talked to has never regretted it. And, I am only talking about gastric bypass. Research does show that gastric bypass has a higher success rate in the long run than a lap band.
6. With the advances in medicine now, I was ready to be back at work 5 days after surgery. I stopped taking my pain meds the night I got back home because they made me nauseous. Tylenol worked perfectly well.
It’s a personal decision and nobody else’s experiences will be similar to yours. But, in the end, it’s your life, your pros and cons and your decision.
The only con I have had is people who are jealous of what I have accomplished. I have had people say I took the easy way out. Well, they didn’t live with me, they’re not the one’s with 150 lbs to lose and they’re not the ones who went through the struggles I did.
March 30th, 2009 at 8:37 am
Thinking supportive thoughts for you! Your post sounds so sad and frustrated. I don’t know many people who have had WLS, so I can’t speak to that much (except to say that the guy on Biggest Loser right now who had it looks like a big man-shaped candle that’s melting…). Also, it seems like with WLS you’ll be thinking even MORE about what you eat than you do without WLS… I also want to echo other suggestions to check out personal trainers and nutritionists. A good personal trainer will be worth what you’ll pay for WLS with less invasive damage to your body.
March 30th, 2009 at 12:34 pm
Gah, sweetie, I know exactly how you feel. I haven’t tried all the diets you have, and I get why you’ve come to this fork in the road. You do it if you feel it’s the right thing for you. And if you decide it is, I’m totally with you *hugs*
You’re not alone!!
March 31st, 2009 at 8:01 pm
Hey Ms. Amazing. I thought you might find this interesting:
A condom for the stomach
The latest breakthrough in weight-loss procedures may sound unappealing, but it’s reversible and safer than surgery. The “gastric condom” is a device that looks like a tampon applicator, and is inserted through the mouth and into the stomach. Once it has reached the bottom of the stomach, the device opens up, anchoring itself and releasing a length of plastic tubing into the first two feet of the small intestine. Like a sausage casing, the tubing will surround food, preventing it from being absorbed by the walls of the intestine as it passes through the body. This effectively reduces the number of calories that can be absorbed from a given amount of food. When tested on rats, a smaller version of the device resulted in both significant weight loss and reversal of type 2 diabetes, researcher Stuart Randle tells New Scientist. Since the procedure isn’t surgical, it has far fewer risks. The device can be removed in just 10 minutes by being pulled through the mouth.
I read it in The Week magazine’s Health and Science section. Since you’re so awesome at research I’ll leave it to you to see if it’s as good (or even available) as it sounds.
Tons of love and support to you. I think you’re completely amazing and a wonderful role model.
April 2nd, 2009 at 9:38 am
3 years ago I had WLS, specifically the lap band, it is a restrictor band as opposed to having the full bypass surgery. I was up and back to work in 5 days. The recovery was amazing and I have successfully lost over 110 lbs, which I did in the first year and have maintained since then. It was the best decision I ever made. It is fully reversible which was a huge selling point to me so that I knew I would be able to carry a baby and be healthy. It was not easy, nothing worth it ever is. My doctor explained it to me like this, it is a tool and if used properly you will be successful, and I was. My mother had bypass surgery 10 years before I had my surgery and she wishes the lap band had been available for her when she went through things. I have not had nearly the side affects that she went through, I did not loose my hair or have an overly limited diet. Still 3 years later I can not eat certain things, like corn, but for the most part as long as I eat slowly and chew well I do not have a problem. I have been in your shoes, and being there motivated me to write this. You are worth it and the surgery is worth it. And since you have already been working so hard at weight loss through Weight Watchers, it won’t take that long to get things done. My insurance required 2 years of documented weight loss attempts and WW counts towards that. Seriously look into it. My life has changed 180 degrees since having surgery, and worth every single moment of it. I have a 5 year old son and he was my motivation, it was not something I took lightly. Good luck, I am rooting for you!
April 2nd, 2009 at 9:56 am
My husband has looked into the lap band surgery, and there is some data that alcoholism is higher after gastric surgery. This was enough to dissuade him, at least for now. The theory is that if people are eating compulsively for emotional reasons, and can’t do that anymore, they turn to other means. And since alcoholism is a secret thing, it’s probably something lots of people don’t mention in their stories. So, I thought I’d throw it out there as one more factor.
April 6th, 2009 at 9:40 am
If you can’t imagine cutting out all sorts of junky foods from your life, you’re probably not emotionally ready for weight loss. Plenty of people stick to foods like beans, veggies, fruits, nuts, etc. The only reason you are so stuck to certain foods is for the emotional meaning–a great way of avoiding real issues. I know because I’ve been there!
I would focus on weight maintenance and do the emotional work needed for long term weight loss. It’s not supposed to be so hard! If you’re emotionally ready, it won’t be.
Surgery will not fix anything–you’ll gain the weight back plus a host of health problems.
April 7th, 2009 at 10:11 am
I think about your post a lot. It’s sort of in my head when I make decisions about food, struggle with temptation, go to the gym . . .
I have actually broken down in tears during some of my workouts because this whole process IS SO DISCOURAGING, so tedious, interminable, even hopeless. I don’t want to restrict what I eat and exercise strenuously 6 hours a week, but I have to do these things if I want to maintain my weight. It’s a life sentence of lots of exercise and no trigger foods, no comfort eating, no second portions, no unplanned snacks, no social grazing . . . and after all this discipline, I’m not even slender! I’m not overweight, but I’m certainly not willowy.
But I also think about something Linda wrote in another forum: “It is possible to change not only your eating habits, but also your eating preferences.” And I know that there are some people who look forward to exercise, who view the gym as a haven and source of solace.
I hope that if I stick with it, I’ll get there, too.