Accountability
By AndreAnna
I haven’t been writing much lately because I pretty much suck.
I’m drowning in a sea of a family parties, carb-loaded salads coated in mayonnaise, spinach dip, and booze. It’s summer and at the Jersey Shore, people eat and drink like the next summer will never come. I’m barely keeping my head above water, the scale mocking me. Up two pounds one day, down three pounds the next, up four one week, down six. I’m irritated with myself.
I know how to maintain. It’s apparent. I did it before and I’m doing it again, only I’m doing it this time at a weight about 30 pounds higher than I want to be. I know just how much I can indulge and just how much I have to work out in order to keep that scale within the same four-pound range. It’s not hard for me to maintain.
I’ve been complaining about a plateau, but the truth is, I’m not really trying hard enough. I desperately try and convince myself that it’s summer and that NOT GAINING is success, but really, that is a giant steaming load of crap. I do want to lose. I don’t want to be this weight for the rest of the summer. I have clothes in drawers I had unpacked for the summer than I had planned to fit into months ago.
And in my drawer they still sit.
I want to enjoy my summer and not deprive myself but I also want to feel happier in my own skin. Along with taking care of my body and feeling healthy and strong – which I do – I want to lose more weight. And if I pretended like maintaining was okay, my pants would be on fire.
Four years ago I had a lot of success on Weight Watchers. And not because it taught me how to eat, but because someone – albeit a stranger – had to weigh me in every week. I had to face the SAME scale, the SAME woman, and that number would either betray me or reward my hard work. Don’t get me wrong, I think WW is a great program but I already knew how to eat and the counting damn near drove me to mania. But what did it for me was hold me accountable to myself.
Currently, the only person that sees the number on the scale every morning is me. I don’t hide my weight from anyone, and have readily told you all. I am not embarassed nor defined by the number that I see every morning. I am not ashamed.
But I still want the effer to move. And NOT up.
So, I’m going to use all of you as my Weight Watcher Lady Behind the Counter. Once a week, I’m going to get on the scale, snap a photo, and post it here in one of my posts. I figure maybe coming clean every week to the Entire Internet World is the extra little push I need.
Maybe I’ll think twice about putting the leftover toddler-gnawed-on PB&J in my mouth knowing you’ll see that number.
Maybe I’ll run an extra mile or take an extra class.
Maybe I’ll up the weights on my weight training or do more reps.
Maybe I’ll fit into those white capris by my wedding anniversary in September.
(Sidenote: If anyone is interested in doing this with me (I know a lot of people are very sensitive about their weight and don’t tell anyone which I understand and respect) I could start a Flickr group. )
Start: (Ugh, stupid chinese food over the weekend). At least I have pretty toes from my weekend pedicure. (Also: Awesome pajama shorts.)
June 29th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
I was amazed at how positive it was for me to post a daily journal of what I was eating, and I can see how ongoing scale documentation could help in the same sort of way. There’s something actually comforting about knowing other people will see what you’re doing/where you’re at, for me it helps me feel a little less like I’m doing something ALL BYYY MYSELLLFFF.
I know scale-watching isn’t something that’s universally loved, but I think it sounds like a cool idea if only for the opportunity to check in, discuss your successes/setbacks, and have an area for people to offer support and gain/give motivation from/to you.
June 29th, 2009 at 8:40 pm
Your feet look slim and lovely!
Whatever happens, whatever you decide or end up doing, please do enjoy your summer and don’t feel guilty. Guilt is useless in these situations; it just adds needless stress. Once you’ve swallowed the food, it’s done. Piling guilt on is not going to help your digestion.
That said, don’t let swallowing food you might regret prevent you from exercising. Even if you take in more calories than you burn, exercise will make you feel better and change your body. You will gain firmness, better skin tone, increased muscle tone, a feeling of empowerment. Exercise will give you more energy.
Whether you eat more or less, just keep exercising. You can only get rewards from it. And you will beat some of those unwanted calories.
June 30th, 2009 at 6:11 am
There really is something delicious about summer that can only be experienced through salads of the mayo variety. I’m hoping to draw the line at one portion.
June 30th, 2009 at 6:53 am
Dude, I’m in for the Flikr group. Accountability is important, and right now I’m not very accountable to myself…
June 30th, 2009 at 9:16 am
When I was dieting and trying to get healthier I went to a nutritionist…not becasue I didn’t know what to eat or how much to eat…for the simple reason that I had to get on a scale in front of her every week! And…it worked…it worked miracles! I was so scared to go into her office and have the scale move in the wrong direction so i really kept myself on a routine. Now that I am no longer going to see her…well, the wagon that you see rolling down the road with no one in it…that’s mine…I fell off it a while ago!
June 30th, 2009 at 12:31 pm
I would totally join you if you set up a flickr group.
June 30th, 2009 at 12:58 pm
I would love to join you. I am working out with a trainer and when he weighs me Thurs, I have a feeling it will have gone up. I am working too hard to maintain. I have bben successful (45lbs lost), but this time I am not convinced that that is all I can do. Hold me accountable, I would love it.
June 30th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
You took the words right out of my mouth-I’ve been at a plateau for a couple of months now, and I think most of all, I’m irritated with myself for not working as hard as I was in the winter.
I’m all for the Flickr group!!!
June 30th, 2009 at 7:43 pm
Have not been in the gym in a month. Won’t be back until at least the 13th when we get back from Florida. Could do tomorrow and Thursday. Could, but wont’ summer at the beach is hard as hell. And yes I know that’s an excuse. And I know I suck. I also know I understand totally and completely what you mean.
I did step on the scale this AM, luckily the battery has died. So, I’m going on vacation. I’m not worrying about it. July 13, starting anew… again.