Déjà Vu All Over Again
By Christine
We returned from Europe just over three weeks ago and this is the first time I’ve had the guts to post. I spent the 15 days there eating like I’ve never had a weight problem, like a teenager home from swim practice, like a binger before the purge. It was a holiday from reality in more ways than one. Most of the meals were fantastic; I don’t regret eating them. I do regret not having done more walking while we were there, but we purposely chose to visit cities we’d already been to or ones where sightseeing was not the major draw, because I didn’t feel like dragging a squirmy toddler into hushed churches and don’t-touch museums.
We weighed ourselves the morning after our return. I’d gained 2.5 lbs. I knew something was off. There’s no way the mountains of croissants, pommes frites, crème brûlée, tagliatelle al ragu, tortellini al brodo, chocolate, and the gallons of wine we consumed only added up that little of a gain. But I chose to think positive thoughts, strapped on my sneakers, and headed off to the gym. I followed Linda’s suggestion and wrote down everything I ate during the week. I also discovered yoga, rediscovered jogging and after two weeks of rich food I actually craved salads.
One week later I was up another 1.5 lbs.
I shook it off, increased my runs from five minutes to twenty, went hiking, attempted some crazy yoga moves and wrote down everything I ate again.
One week later I was up another pound.
I knew what this was. It was a delayed gain. Like when someone tells a joke to a group of people and the one duh-dude doesn’t laugh until half an hour later. Only my body wasn’t laughing.
And then I came down with a nasty, week-long cold.
I weighed myself again today. It’s been three weeks since our return from Europe, 153 days since I started down this path to weight loss and better health. I now weigh more than I did on January 1st of 2009. I started out at 169. I now stand before you at 171.
Fuck.
Sorry we won’t be going to the beach this summer, honey. Mommy failed.
June 2nd, 2009 at 10:30 am
My heart ached for you at that last line. I know this sucks, but if you keep trying, you have not failed. Don’t give up. Keep moving forward, and you will leave this moment behind you. You WILL be at the beach this summer, regardless of the number on the scale.
June 2nd, 2009 at 10:41 am
The only way you’ve failed is if you just throw in the towel and stop trying–but you haven’t done that! And it sounds like you’ve gotten into the habit of doing some great things that just take time to work. Hang in there.
June 2nd, 2009 at 10:46 am
I’m so impressed with and proud of you for getting right back on the horse when you came back. That’s such a struggle- how to enjoy your vacations, not regret the croissants, but then go back to salads and the gym and the rest when you get back. This will be a temporary setback! (And also: not failure. Lifestyle changes and new awareness and building good habits is the farthest thing from failure, even if the numbers aren’t there yet.)
June 2nd, 2009 at 10:51 am
You’ll get there. This is just a set back, and like Linda said, if you don’t give up – you haven’t failed.
Keep going and inspiring the rest of us. We’re all on this path with you!
June 2nd, 2009 at 10:52 am
Failure only happens when you don’t get back up again. It’s just a set back. Don’t punish yourself by not going to the beach because of it. What is that going to prove – that you’re afraid to do things that make you happy because of how you perceive your body? That’s not healthy.
You are back on track. Look forward, not backwards and remember that you had a great time on your vacation!
June 2nd, 2009 at 11:02 am
Oh, how frustrating! But please don’t let this get you down! You enjoyed your vacation, as you should, and you’ve already started to go back to your healthier lifestyle since you’ve been back. Those pounds will come off again, probably easier this time. You’ll be at the beach before you know it!
June 2nd, 2009 at 11:05 am
You’ll get there! Keep going! Throw the scale into a closet for a couple of weeks if that’s what it takes. You can do this. We can do this.
June 2nd, 2009 at 11:06 am
Ok, first, that picture of you and bebe is AFREAKINDORABLE. Second, you are singing my song except for the part about Europe because we cannot afford anything beyond the patio this summer, but anyway, my weight is totally creeping up! I work out four times a week, eat great, blabbity blah blah, and I’m up three pounds in the last six months. Let’s quit looking at the scale, focus on doing great, and go to the beach anyway.
June 2nd, 2009 at 11:48 am
Yeah. I hired a personal trainer and worked out with him 3x/week, for 3 months, at the beginning of the year. I ran on the days I didn’t see him. I took off only 1 day/week. This was my New Years Get In Shape program. I gave it my ALL. And I GAINED 18 lbs.
So I fired the personal trainer and promptly lost 22 lbs.
IMHO, strenuous exercise is inconsistent with weight loss. Strenuous exercise makes you hungry. I just couldn’t sustain those instense workouts without eating carbs beforehand, and I couldn’t recover from them without eating more carbs afterwards. You just can’t exercise like I was without a carb-heavy diet.
I found that when I scaled wa-a-a-a-ay back on the exercise, and just went for gentle, slow runs 3-4x/week, and scaled wa-a-a-a-ay back on my eating, and cut out carbs almost entirely, the pounds FLEW off my body.
I’m a whole dress size smaller than I was when I was training hard. I’m much less fit, no doubt, but my silhouette is vastly improved.
Even gyms and personal trainers will tell you: The secret to weight loss is ALL in your diet. No matter how hard you train (unless you’re Michael Phelps or riding the Tour de France and exercising 8 hours /day) exercise can contribute only about 10% or 15% towards your weight loss progress.
I mean, think about it: it might take you 5 mintues to eat five hundred calories, but it will take you a good hour to burn them off. And you eat repeatedly throughout the day, whereas you prpobably exercise only once a day. And that story about how strenuous exercise “boosts your metabolism and makes oyu burn more calories all day long” is a myth.
Weight loss is ALL about what you eat. If your exercise program is making you eat significantly more than you would if you weren’t exercising, you need to cut back on the exercise, IMHO.
June 2nd, 2009 at 12:44 pm
I 100% agree with rhaazz – last year when I was training for the 60-mile Breast Cancer 3-Day I was walking 7-10 miles 4 days a week with a 10+ miler on the weekend…I didn’t lose a single pound (it still pisses me off when I think about it).
After the 3-day,I backed off the exercise to 4-5 days a week for 45 min., took better care of traking what I was eating and I started losing weight right away (to the tune of 45+ lbs…so it’s not like I had nothing to lose when I was walking all those miles). I used WW points then but I use SparkPeople now…the way they break down your consumption is amazing – I never realzied I was eating most of my calories at dinner! – and it can help you tweak your diet. So keep working out because the scale doesn’t tell you how FIT & STRONG you’ve become…then work on the food end of things and the scale will catch up.
June 2nd, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Please tell me you’re not serious with that last line. Punishing yourself and your family for your perceived failures is seriously unhealthy.
June 2nd, 2009 at 1:09 pm
I know you’re feeling really down but please don’t punish yourself by not allowing time with your family at the beach.
I know you feel like you failed, but like everyone else said, it’s only failure if you give up. And I don’t think you’re going to do that.
Weigh loss and getting healthy is a journey, not a destination. Get back on the ride. You can do it.
June 2nd, 2009 at 9:24 pm
No offense, but it seems like you’re welcoming failure with open arms. Yeah, you screwed up. We all do! Lick your wounds and pull yourself up by the boot straps.
Don’t write off summer because you’ve gained a few pounds — heck, it isn’t even summer yet. You’ve got just under 20 days until the beginning of summer.
You can do it, girl!
June 3rd, 2009 at 4:06 pm
Oh god, I sympathize! Only I don’t have the Europe excuse either. Just that my husband has a jury trial (he’s a lawyer) this month, and semi-single parenthood has me downing the chocolate chip cookies (made as a fun “1 hour to burn till bedtime” activity) like there’s no tommorrow.
I don’t want to look at the scale. But somehow, knowing that you and many other people are dealing with the same thing makes me feel more motivated to get back in the saddle. I hope that maybe it helps you too
June 4th, 2009 at 7:50 am
I too am so impressed that you did so great when you got back, even in the face of the delayed gain. Remember there will also be delayed loss, but it may be even more significant when it starts to drop off again. You’re doing great, don’t give up!
June 4th, 2009 at 10:38 am
Good for you for not giving up. I’ve had this happen before. I’ve had one back week and it seems like the consequences pile up week after week…like my body saying “you thought that 1lb was it? Ha! Here are another 2. You’re welcome.” It sucks…but as long as it doesn’t completely derail you, you’ll get there eventually.
June 5th, 2009 at 7:19 am
Christine, I have been working out pretty much almost every single day since last November. For the first four months, I didn’t lose any weight. None. But my goal wasn’t weight loss (it was to get stronger and fitter), so I didn’t worry about it.
But I am smaller now and leaner. Slowly, the muscle/fat ratio has changed and once it started, it changed dramatically. And now it is much easier for me to drop a couple pounds. Changes may take longer than you thought (or would like!)
My trainer stresses weight loss = lower intensity, longer time, rest, fewer calories. Strength/muscle building = higher intensity, the right calories, rest.
If you are exercising and getting healthier, you haven’t failed. You are showing your child how to live a healthier, balanced life–and that is way more important than pounds!