The breakup
in Blogs
By Karen
I believe my experience is similar to many women’s relationship with food. Food and I are friends with benefits. Every sane person knows that this type of complicated (yet seemingly SO simple) relationship rarely works out, especially when you have that kind of thing going on for 20+ years. If I had a friends-with-benefits thing going on with a MAN for this long, I would have had myself committed years ago. Also, I’m pretty convinced that the ramifications of my relationship with food are far worse than any friends-with-benefits agreement with a guy would ever be. Overweight? Check. Mildly depressed? Check. Sleeping like crap? Check. Unhealthy? Check. Uncomfortable? Check. Scared as hell about becoming a mother in this body? Check.
I hope this next part doesn’t sound familiar to you. If it does, leave me a comment. We can commiserate. If it doesn’t, leave me a comment. Tell me what magic you possess.
Bored? Hook up with food.
Happy? Hook up with food.
Sad? Hook up with food.
Lonely? Hook up with food.
Mad? Hook up with food.
Exhausted? Hook up with food.
Also, I have really been struggling with my inner critic. Her name is Harriett. Harriett screws with me every minute of every day. She makes me think I’m too fat to do all kinds of things I love doing. Not only that, she also makes me think I can’t change. Being stuck in a friends-with-benefits relationship with food and dealing with the fact that sometime in the past few years, Harriett upgraded to a megaphone, has made me feel like one beat-down piece of crap. I’m tired of it. It’s exhausting. And selfish. I’ve got this one life, with this one body, and I’ve already wasted so much time.
News flash: Food and I are breaking up. No more friends-with-benefits. No more booty calls. No more walks of shame. And Harriett? She can shut it.
The plan:
1) Read.
I’ve already started on this one. Currently I’m reading Shrink Yourself: Break Free From Emotional Eating Forever, Roger Gould. I just started Part Two. I like that it hasn’t focused at all on menus or physical exercise, but simply on the psychology. Despite being a little hokey in parts, it’s really speaking to me because the psychology of eating is where I need the most help.
I also think the idea of being mindful is one I really need to explore. Next up: The Zen of Eating, R. Kabatznick; Meal by Meal: 365 Daily Meditations for Finding Balance Through Mindful Eating, Donald Altman
2) Move.
I have an active shepherd/husky named Betty. Betty needs exercise. The only way she gets a good walk is if I take her. We kicked off a short week yesterday morning with 1.4 miles at a good clip. I need to remember how much I like starting off the day with exercise, and how good it makes me feel throughout the remainder of the day. Also, good for Betty. It was raining today so we didn’t get in a walk before work, but I’m hopeful that we can get in a few more miles this week.
Additionally, I talked to my GYN last year about my weight for the ninety-millionth time. She told me something no one had ever told me before – not even the uber-expensive trainer or the nutritionist: Women with my shape (Complete pear. My hips and thighs… there are no words.) and family history should do about 20% cardio and 80% strength training. I’ve ALWAYS done the opposite. I’ll be working to figure out how to get in the strength training without having to renew my gym membership.
3) Slow down.
My husband and I are notorious tv-eaters. We fix our meals and often scarf down our food before even the first commercial break in a 60-minute show. It’s pathetic and unhealthy. Also, I have no idea what most food even tastes like. To quote a movie that was really funny (when I first saw it): “It’s not a race.”
4) Be nicer to myself.
I don’t know that I’m going to get Harriett to shut it overnight. I think I’m going to have to drown her out with words of encouragement. My plan is to wear her down so that she finally gives up and shuts up.
It is such a privilege to be writing here. I have been a fan of Linda’s for years and am humbled to be in the company of the talented women who also write here. I’ve been reading their blogs since Bodies in Motivation launched and marveled at how nice everyone is. If I’m being honest, I’m a completely petrified about putting up this first post. Weight and eating are such personal issues for me, and the last thing I want is to come off like a self-righteous navel-gazer.
Please feel free to share your experience. My motivations for being here are to hold myself accountable and, more importantly, to learn from you. Thanks for reading.
June 9th, 2009 at 10:00 am
Welcome!
I think you’re on the right track on so many levels. Taking charge is the first and hardest step and you seem to have that more than covered.
Since I write here, you already know my experience but I am here for anything else you need!
I also really like how you didn’t start out with major goals, like a specific weight or size. I think getting yourself together in the way that you are is an awesome way to start.
Good luck!
June 9th, 2009 at 10:08 am
Wow! Yep, you and I are very similar. Thanks for sharing your goals and inspiration- I’m taking this one to heart and starting to look at ways I can ditch my Harriet and break up with food….
June 9th, 2009 at 10:08 am
Welcome! I love the way you related food to “friends with benefits”. It completely explains exactly how I feel about it.
June 9th, 2009 at 10:13 am
I’m with Krista — I couldnt have said it better myself. I hate those people who always say, “I’m so nervous I can’t eat.” or “When I get sad the last thing I want to do is eat.” or any of the other emotions you used … I always respond with “I am always hungry.” … Which I know isn’t true, it’s more “I can always eat.” No matter what emotion I’m dealing with from the lowest of lows to the highest of highs — eating just sounds like the best thing! I am really looking forward to your writing.
And really — the pear shaped thing — seriously?!?! You’ve got to tell me more about this. I am all bottom heavy and have been pushing myself to run run run, and then I never feel like doing the strength training after! This might change my life!
June 9th, 2009 at 10:30 am
Great post, Karen. I am glad you’re writing here as well.
June 9th, 2009 at 10:48 am
Karen, what wonderful words! It’s so nice to be in the same boat as other people.
As far as strength training goes – I’ve been using “No More Trouble Zones” by Jillian Michaels and select videos from The Firm. I find that they are both inexpensive and effective. If a trainer or gym membership is out of question for you – you might give those a try.
)
June 9th, 2009 at 10:57 am
I’m a huge fan of weight training, especially free weights. Heavy ones. A great place to start would be here:
http://randomfit.blogspot.com/2007/06/weight-lifting-routine-for-beginners.html
I didn’t write it, but she knows her stuff and really simplifies the at-home routine. You don’t need to do 50 different isolation moves, this is all you need to get started. I also recommend “The New Rules of Lifting for Women” but it involves more equipment. Great reference, though, if you want to learn more. Good luck!
June 9th, 2009 at 11:51 am
I really enjoyed your first post!! I’m a pear shape too and I’ve never heard that! BUT, I CAN say that about 4 years ago I finally got into 30/30 Levi’s. And the ONLY reason (I think), was because I started adding weights when I did lunges and squats. Seriously. I just added a couple of dumb bells (and LOTS of consistent workouts obviously), but the pear thing went away (after NUMBEROUS attempts over the years). I’m rootin’ for you!!! Looking forward to your next post
June 9th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Wow, I could’ve written EVERYTHING here. I share all your feelings, except I couldn’t have put it so well.
I’m so excited for you that you’re making a new start! Good luck and please keep writing.
June 9th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
Welcome! I enjoyed your first post! I’ve never heard the 20/80 rule for the pear shapes before – quite interesting! I’m an apple. Mind asking your gyn what the ratio is for those? Kidding. Sort of. Heh.
June 9th, 2009 at 12:30 pm
Welcome! Hoo Boy, can I related to the emotional eating! I write Project Hot Mom, so if you read that, you know I’ve got a few food issues myself
I like your plan, in fact, I think I’m going to pick those books up myself!
June 9th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
Thanks so much for your positive comments. It makes the anxiety of putting this first post out there just fly away!
I will ask my gyn about the weight training thing – this appears to be surprising for you guys, too, and not just me.
A note about my reading list (which I’ll tell you more about in my next post) – I went to my therapist after I wrote my first post and she explicitly said, “Quit reading self-help books.” Oops. Keeping in mind that not everyone’s issues are my issues, she wants me to focus on some other things first before I shove any more information into my brain. Apparently there are issues of the heart I need to address before I pick up another book.
June 10th, 2009 at 2:28 am
Man, I totally hear you. Especially the “Bored? Hook up with food”. And while I can restrict myself at work by only eating the food I brought in from home in the morning, its all over if I’m bored in the evening. I will graze on anything and everything I can get my hands on. So while I hate going to the gym after work because it cuts into my evenings it really has two benefits – exercise, and less time with access to my fridge!
June 10th, 2009 at 6:04 am
I am with the other women who want to know more about this 20/80 thing. My top and bottom halves are so uneven that I sometimes joke that I look like two different women put together. I’ve read things online that say “if you have saddlebags, you’ll always have them, that’s how your body is programmed to store fat, blah, blah….” and it was very disheartening to feel like no matter what I would always look this way. If you find out more about how that works, PLEASE share!
June 11th, 2009 at 8:35 am
This post really resonated with me so thanks for putting it out there. I’m a total emotional eater and often eat even when I’m full because I’m upset or exhausted or just need a treat.
I’m trying to lose weight in preparation for my 20th high school reunion in October. I’ve lost about 10 pounds but I’m not exercising and I need to for many reasons. I’m hoping that reading on this site will help me get motivated to do it.
I’d love to hear more about emotional eating and strategies to deal with it(without reading the book).
June 15th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Karen… So enjoyed your post. I too have been a Sundry reader for years, and lately have been avoiding this website because I haven’t been ready to face my own inner Harriet.
I could have written this post. Seriously. I can’t even count the number of times I have *recommitted* to healthy eating and exercise.
You are right…baby steps all the way. One day at a time. Good luck… you can do it!
June 18th, 2009 at 7:46 am
[...] at Bodies in Motivation, Karen posted her first entry to start her blog last week. In her first entry she mentioned that her doctor told her that for her pear body shape she should focus on 20% cardio [...]