By Linda

Little by little, I can see my pre-junk-binge body returning when I look in the mirror. The muscles in my torso that had started to retreat under my newly acquired padding are becoming visible again. The areas of flesh that were bulging above and below my bra strap are shrinking. It’s a good feeling.

It feels good to see the effects of purposeful work. When I look at my reflection and see evidence of the things I do to make myself a stronger, happier, more energetic person, I FEEL stronger, more happy, and filled with energy. Maybe some people would call that a body image problem, that I should be happy no matter what because my self-worth isn’t defined by the way I look, but for me my fitness is like any other personal interest: I like a good outcome. Do I hate myself when my fitness isn’t where I’d like it to be? No, but it’s true there is a lingering dissatisfaction. Am I pleased, in all kinds of positive ways, when I do experience good results? Abso-fucking-lutely.

Yesterday’s food journal:

Breakfast:
- Mix of Life and All-Bran cereal, milk, some almonds

Lunch:
- Last of the leftover chicken soup (glurped out of a mug, which was oddly satisfying)
- Apple

Snack:
- 1 venison pepper stick
- 1 string cheese

Pre-workout:
- 1 scrambled egg (which I made for Dylan and he refused)
- 1 piece of wheat toast with PB and jelly
- 1 banana

Exercise: 1 hour with a trainer. We did something he called “Elliptical Nation” which I never want to do again EVER.

Snacks:
-Turkey jerky
- Sugar free/fat free pudding with fat free Cool Whip

Today:

Breakfast:
- 2 eggs over easy, 1/2 piece wheat toast

Snack:
- 1 small latte (at Krispy Kreme, where I actually didn’t even get tempted by the donuts this time, knowing how crashy and yawny and bleccch I would feel afterwards)

Lunch:
- Some ham steak dipped in mustard (I am in love with the Costco brand boneless ham steaks. So salty and delicious)
- Leftover golden beets
- 1 apple

Snack:
- Smoothie made with banana, chocolate Carnation mix, milk, a spoonful of peanut butter

We’re going to dinner and a movie tonight, so I’ll update this later with the rest of the day’s food journal. Date nights have been problematic for me in the last couple months. Big dinner, giant box of candy during movie, and likely as not some chips and bunch of ice cream once we’re home and the babysitter’s gone because hey, it’s still date night and the kids are in bed woooooo! Tonight, I’m committed to making better choices.

(time passes)

Okay, I meant to update this last night but was too lazy. Here’s the rest of the day:

Dinner:
- Thai food: chicken lettuce wraps, spicy seafood soup
- Snack: entire, uh, bag of caramel-flavored rice cakes

Despite the flagrant disregard for sticking to a serving size—despite what you might think, a BAG of rice cakes is not exactly a low-cal treat—I give myself points for skipping the candy and ice cream. (Also, you should know I did not consume the rice snacks during the movie, as was my original plan. It belatedly occurred to me that no one would appreciate my endless gnashing, so I ate them when I got home.)

This entry was posted on Saturday, October 17th, 2009 at 12:50 pm and is filed under Blogs, Body Talk. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.