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Finally

By Jennifer

Most days I don’t want to slide my feet into my running shoes and drive over to our local rec to knock out another day of the Couch to 5K program. Most days, I’d rather do the dishes and then fold laundry and THEN clean the bathrooms instead of popping in the 30-Day Shred for another lovely round with Jillian the Ass Kicker (and her creepy sidekicks who smile the entire time they’re working out and WHAT IS THAT?). Most days I can tick off 87 reasonable-sounding excuses for staying on the couch instead of getting off it. And most days, I can think of a handful of very creative ways to find the closest pizza and have my way with it.

But since January 1, the day I decided to live differently (really differently this time, pinky swear, cross my heart, all that jazz), I’ve put the shoes on, let Jillian yell at me, gotten off the couch and ignored every slice of pizza that’s been offered.

There’s been weight loss, but it doesn’t even matter. Fine, that’s a lie, it DOES matter, I haven’t lost my mind or anything, but that’s only part of what motivates me when I hand the baby off to my husband, put off making dinner and ignore my overflowing inbox to make my way to a treadmill. Although a defined waist and sliding my ass into those great jeans in the back of my closet are two very clear goals of mine, there is something else.

I’ve talked about it for years. I’ve talked about it HERE for nearly A year. I’ve wanted to do it forever, even when I was 108 pounds.

I could never figure it out, though.

It feels like I’ve finally, finally, finally done it (or am at least on my way).

I’ve chosen myself.

(It feels incredible.)

6 Responses to “Finally”

  1. Sarah Lena Says:

    This made me cry.

    Bawl, actually.

    Because it’s just so damn hard, isn’t it? Choosing ourselves? What is UP with that? And the guilt that comes with choosing ourselves? Jesus.

    Anyway, keep it up. Even when you think you shouldn’t, or someone else deserves your attention, or maybe that laundry needs to get done.. keep it up.

    (That’s just as much for me as it is for you.)

  2. rhaazz Says:

    Could you expand on that please? “Choosing yourself”? Do you mean, “Choosing to take care of myself instead of others”?

    I really like your blog. I love the feminist vibe, I really do. Your blog makes me miss college; it was the happiest time of my life.

  3. AndreAnna Says:

    Good for you!

  4. beekeebear Says:

    good for you! keep it up!

    i’ve been doing c25k also. i got a friend to do it with me–that helps, because we leave work together twice a week and go straight to the gym. we hit pilates class first and then do our running. it helps that our pilates instructor is 7 months pregnant… because i don’t care how tired, icky, bloated, whatever i am feeling… she is 7 MONTHS PREGNANT. and if she can do it, dammit, so can i!!!

    :)

  5. Erin Says:

    Keep up the good work! I struggle with this and the ‘guilt’ that comes from choosing myself. But I’m keeping at it because I’ve realized it’s more important – and better – for me and my family if I’m happy and healthy!

  6. Tana Kroesing Says:

    When i visit a blog, chances are that I notice that most blogs are amateurish. Regarding your blog,I have to say that you have done a good job here.

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