My Summer Goals
I finished reading Barbara Kingsolver’s Animal, Vegetable, Miracle a few weeks ago. The premise of the book is that a family of four did their best to only eat locally grown food for a year. It was eye-opening and motivational. It was exactly what I needed to read.
I’ve found my exercise groove with bootcamp and trail running. I get my people interaction and encouragement and practice in self esteem on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings. I love bootcamp because it’s exactly what I make of it. It can be as easy or as hard as I want it to be. The instructors are encouraging, but not threatening (like I imagine Jillian Michaels is). On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I run densely wooded trails alone, without music, and I let my brain relax. I’ve been doing this routine for 5 weeks now. It’s become second nature. I actually look forward to working out, whether its trying for a record at bootcamp (I currently hold the burpee record – 55 in a row. Not that I’d ever rub that in 
) or reconnecting with myself and nature on a nice long run.
Food remains my biggest… err… area of opportunity. Or cluster fuck. Whatever.
For those of you who read my personal blog, you may remember me whining a few times about how my boyfriend can eat 5,000 calories a day and only gain a pound every few weeks. He’s a freak. He works hard and he does the best he can to eat enough to put on some weight, even when he doesn’t want to.
I, on the other hand, am not blessed in that way. I work from home now and I get bored during the day. And there are bread and muffins and ice cream and beer and chips all over my kitchen. Sometimes I eat them. Ok, I eat them often.
It shouldn’t be that way. I shouldn’t feel compelled to eat something just because I see it. But I do. Sometimes I almost feel like I must eat “forbidden” food, just because I’ve seen it.
And you can ask my ass and jiggly arms, that mentality isn’t doing anyone any favors.
There’s a really long, steep, sandy hill on near the end of the trail that I run. It’s so hard, and it sucks so much. I tell myself two things each time I run it: 1. If it weren’t hard, it would mean meaningless; and 2. If you can make it up this hill, you can do anything… including not eating a muffin today. And yet, every day, after I’ve caught my breath and have taken a shower, I forget how hard climbing that hill was. I forget how hard I worked to gain just a little ground, and I ruin it by shoving a bunch of garbage in my mouth.
They always say the first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one. Well, folks, I have a problem. I work out hard, consistently, and then I undo my work by eating poorly–or just nowhere near as well as I could and should.
Now what’s the next step?
I opened this post by mentioning Animal, Vegetable, Miracle because it’s really inspired me to take control of what I put in my refrigerator and my pie-hole. I don’t have to eat it just because it’s there. What a novel concept.
My goals for the summer are to reestablish my good eating habits. Three years ago I was in control. I could order at a restaurant, plan meals, track calories, all without having a nervous breakdown and feeling deprived (uh, guilty of both recently).
I want to reconnect with the earth that grows the food that feeds my body. I want the food that I eat to be deliberate and to have purpose. I want the life it once contained to better the life I’m living.
That’s deep shit, I know.
So, how will I do this?
First, I bought a CSA share this year. It’s a half share, and I’m sure I’ll take the majority of responsibility for cooking and consuming it. I am bound and determined to not waste a bit of it, which means this girl needs to learn to preserve food and cook some vegetables I’ve never even seen in person before.
Second, I planted a small garden in my back and front yards. It’s mostly tomatoes, sweet peppers, and fennel. Those are the vegetables I eat the most year-round, so I thought it worth while to plant a few (or a dozen of each… I can be a very impulsive shopper). The area I have to garden is pretty small, so I want to share some tips for gardening in a small space, which means I also need to learn about that.
I’m super excited that I already have a few tomatoes starting!
Thank you, hot and humid Virginia weather.
So, there it is. Buying the “right” food at the grocery store, trying to the avoid delicious, sugary, foodlike substances in my cubbards, and tracking calories hasn’t been working for me. I need to be more involved in my food procurement to start rebuilding my relationship with it. It shouldn’t be about what I “can’t” have, but what’s best to have. I feel like I’ve been avoiding food for months/years, just interacting with it when I have to and when I’m highly emotionally charged.
It’s time to break the ice and to start to build something real. Hi, real, nutritious food. What are you made of? What can you offer me? Tell me your story.
May 19th, 2011 at 2:45 pm
I really feel like self-control has to happen at the grocery store for most people, not at home. Especially if you’re home so often – of course you’re going to eat the delicious things that are around you! Is there any way you can not buy most of that stuff? I’m guessing you live with your boyfriend and he eats it, but he might not mind filling up on healthier food, and heck, it’ll probably help him gain weight too, if that’s his goal. Or maybe you could make it less available by freezing the muffins or something. Also, this is kind of embarrassing, but I often hide delicious things from myself. Not that I forget about it or don’t know where it is, but at least I’m not confronted with it constantly.
The other solution, of course, is coming up with a set of snacks that are healthy and that you enjoy. That way you WANT to eat the healthy thing, because it’s even tastier than the unhealthy thing.
Also, I think it’s cool that fennel is one of the few things you chose to grow. Tomatoes and peppers, that’s normal, but fennel is a fun one!
May 19th, 2011 at 5:31 pm
Bridget, we must be on the same wave length. This afternoon I moved all of his goodies to a drawer in the refrigerator where I can’t see them, and all of the junk from the cabinets into a cabinet in the laundry room. Out of sight, out of mind. So far it’s helping. I guess my main issue is that I want to get to a place where I can see junk food and not feel like I HAVE to eat it. One day at a time…
I’ve tried to get him to fill up on healthier foods, but really, he can’t eat enough healthy stuff to keep weight on. 4,500 calories of chicken, yogurt, and broccoli is a heck of a lot of chicken, yogurt, and broccoli, ya know?
Oh, to have that problem…
May 19th, 2011 at 9:52 pm
Great post.
I’ve read that book and you’re right–it’s fantastic and inspiring. I look forward to following your garden’s progress!
May 20th, 2011 at 7:41 am
I loved that book and felt so motivated, but.. I’m bad. I can’t stop myself from buying produce out of season. It did make me want to move somewhere and start a huge garden, though. Our back yard is so shaded, nothing edible will grow back there.
I also just rejoined a CSA, and I love it! I love having these vegetables that I’ve never tried before, and challenging myself to cook and eat them before they go bad. I discovered I liked beets, which I didn’t think I did!
So uh.. what DOES one do with fennel?
(Thanks for a great post. It will motivate me to actually post the thing I’ve been thinking about forever.)
May 20th, 2011 at 8:04 am
I love your blog (here and the personal one), and your honesty. But dude, you ALREADY KNOW what to do. For some reason, you’re having a mental block about just DOING it.
You need to eat paleo. You need to break the insulin cycle that is driving you to eat carbs every 4-6 hours. You need to embrace the fact that it will suck for a few days, and then you will feel a million times better.
Treat yourself with the respect and care you deserve. Coping with boredom or frustration or discomfort with food IS NOT the most loving and respectful thing you can do for yourself.
It’s time for the real, authentic, grown-up You to gently take control of the situation and say, “I know you want it, honey, but I am not going to let you have it, because it’s not good for you.”
Be your own Alpha — kind, benevolent, and unquestionably in-control.
May 20th, 2011 at 8:23 am
Sara, thanks. I really needed a virtual kick in the pants.
And you’re right, in the absence of an Alpha, another one will always try to fill that void. I’d rather it be me than Doritos in charge.
Amy, fennel is delicious cooked and raw, braised, grilled, sauteed, etc. I like it raw on salads, in place of onions in soups, and my absolute FAVORITE fennel use is to cut it into quarters and let the rings fall apart, throw it and some garlic cloves, kosher salt, and olive oil in a glass baking dish, and roast for half an hour. It’s AMAZING right out of the oven, or with a little marinara drizzled over.
May 20th, 2011 at 8:51 am
Fantastic post! I really felt like I could have written it myself. I have the exact same issue. Hubby can eat crap all the time and not gain. I look at it and do so. Bah!
I’ve also read Animal, Vegetable, Miracle. I was totally impressed with the family. I recognize in myself that what they did is farther than I’m willing to go though, but it did make me want to make the effort to buy my fruits and vegetables locally when I can. Sadly, PA is just not the banana growing state that I wish it would be, so I’ll always have to buy those from the store.
Good luck this summer and I think you have given me some motivation to up the fruit and veggie quotient this week!
May 23rd, 2011 at 1:43 pm
If you ever get to that magical place where you don’t crave the junk, let me know! It’s a constant battle for me.
My husband is trying to gain weight too. I keep shoving protein and good fats his direction. He considers vegetables and fruits basically a vitamin pill – healthy, but not filling at all. Everyday, he eats eggs, shrimp, yogurt, a protein shake, oatmeal with peanut butter, a protein bar, cottage cheese, a bunch of whole grains… He eats a lot. Hard life!